APRiL

WHAT A FAG, I AM. just like my kuya. JUST KIDDING. but yeahh that last entry with that conversation was supposed to be private. and i JUST made it private .. because i dont want anyone to get that sn. cuz theres stalkers out there. who want to kill. hahaha. whatever. yes, i save convos on this thing here. cuz i'm just dumb like that. yeah okay. bye.

fuck. i don`t feel good. i`ll type in here. no one reads this. but maybe i want people to read this. i don`t know. i just need to let it out. i need someone to talk to. someone who can semi-relate to this kind of family ishhh. someone like my kuya. sighh. anyways ..

- today, my mommy calls and asks if i want to go to silverdale to go to a party.
- i want to, so i ask my papa. i know he won`t let me.
- he didnt say no, he didn`t say yes. he just gets mad.
- so i cry. he yells at me to stop.
- i stop. i go in my room and start writing.
- i hear dialing of the phone.
- yelling. more yelling. "putang ena mo".
- i start crying again.
- father walks in. i hide under my blanket.
- he yells "april, get up!"
- i don`t move, nor do i say a word.
- he goes away, slams the door shut.
- i sleep.
- i wake up, but stay in bed, thinking.
- papa walks in, gives me $20 bucks he owes me, says "i`m not mad at you." then leaves for work.
- i think to myself, "fuck that. i don`t care if you`re not mad at me. i just wanna see my mommy."

now i`m here thinking:

- my father is so .. sira ulo.
- all he cares about is himself.
- he doesn`t care whether i`m happy or not.
- i don`t think he can tell, anyways.
- even tho i SEEM happy. it doesnt mean i am.
- i was doing just fine when i was living with my mommy and daddy.
- i had a good school. great friends. and .. hella other things.
- here, i have nothing.
- a sucky school. and no friends. that`s it.
- bastard. i wanna go home.
- family counseling? no. i wanna take this to COURT!
- eh. just kidding.

sheeeeeeeet. i wrote alot. but it got erased. oh well i`ll just write one thing.

misha: make new friends. but don't make better ones!

ahahhaah. i won`t .. don`t worry! there`s no one better than you guys! especially .. YOU! ahhh my uh .. stal *kough* ing buddy. man. we became buddies .. just cuz of HIM!

ssc journal \ entry of misha: aww. april no come back. how sad. i'll always remember the time we shared *flashback* misha shows her new developed pictures to people at table, april see's the special one and grabs it "whoa..let me see! he's hott.. whos that? hehe he's ugly" ... misha pushes april during pe "look!" april looks up and boom! ... misha and reslyn in classroom, april walks in.. and behind her *waving* */flashback* hahaha. oh those were the days. ahhhhhahaha

roflmaoatwtckhi! ehh. i wrote alot! and it was .. good stuff! but i`m too lazy to type it up again. anyways .. i forgot! lata.

HMM. i`m not sure what to write anymore .. oh yeah. i still have to write about bataan and baguio and that stuff. but i`ll do that later. ahhhah i`ll write about .. entertainment? heh. this thing is too nerdy. like .. a report thing. oh well ..

F4 - ahh. f4 .. they`re this group in taiwan. but they`re popular like .. all through out asia i guess. yeahh well .. they sing in taiwanese. but their songs are still good. ahh and the they have this show called meteor garden. ayy it`s the best. err .. its just some never-ending love story. but its a GOOD never-ending love story. i got the whole season 2 on vcd. its pirated =D. ohh yeahh. the girl that plays shan cai .. er .. the main girl in the show .. she looks kinda like ginny from harry potter! only .. the older, taiwanese version. ehh. i duno. that`s just what i thought. i`ll look for a picture some other day.

tara tena - mm .. remember jun jun? ahah. well he`s in the tara tena commercial. its this show on abs-cbn. he`s not in the show .. but yeah. he`s in the commercial. ahhh i didnt think they showed it here .. but they do! like i was in the other room earlier and the tv was on .. and then i just heard that commercial and i was like "yeeek!". ha .. i duno. that commercial cracks me up everytime. cuz everyone made fun of him about that. but whatever. just watch for the commercial! its for TARA TENA. jun`s the ugly white[-skinned .. hah] boy with a blue jacket on .. and he says "ibat ibang quento". heh.

UHH. theres more! er .. yeah! sexbomb! ahha. i`ll do that later. i think i might go to silverdale to get my stuff =\. but maybe not. eh .. later!

[added friday, september 5 - 7:43pm]

sexbomb - wee. the spageti song is sooo cool! ahh i bought the cd for only P280 .. but then i think i left it in the pi! sucks. but anyways. the sexbomb dancers are better than the geegirls! ahhh. and the sexbomb girls (who sing spageti pababa) are awesome! hahhhh. they were at sm bicutan on august 31st (thats close to where i was staying) .. LIVE. mann. why they have to go right when i left?! ha .. next.

jericho - man, he`s hot.

whatever. uh .. i guess thats all.

ha. i`m even listening to fob music, misha! oh yeah. HAPPY BIRTHDAY [misha], by the way. kay. uh .. i was gonna add on to my old entry. but i`ll just make this a new entry instead. HMM ..

"normal" days - well "normal" days are just days that i like .. didnt go anywhere. i had a daily routine thing. and that was wake up. eat pandesal. uh .. watch magandang umaga bayan with my lola. ha .. (sorry about the tagalog .. but nobody besides my asian friends read this anyways .. right?). then .. shower. sometimes i cleaned. watched mtb. and then at 1:00 i`d take a nap on the floor. when i woke up i went outside with my cousin. and sometimes i played with the little kids. other times .. me and my cousin would just sit outside and wait for my other cousin to get home from school. and if people talked to me .. i`d TRY to talk back to them. ha. kinda funny .. cuz they`re speaking tagalog. and i only understand SOME of it. so for the rest i`m like .. "uhh .." and then i`d ask my cousin to translate cuz shes smart like that. hm yeah and then when my other cousin go home .. we`d just walk around. and i`d always buy food from the tindahans and from the vendor people (the guys that walk around selling .. ice cream and stuff). and every other day .. i`d buy ZESTO. thats like .. the capri sun of the philippines. only its wayyyyyy better. ha. and thats pretty much how i got pudgy. not with the juice but with the other stuff. umm yeahh. after that .. we`d go home and we`d just sit around until 7. and then we`d go out to talk to our uh .. older friends. like our age. and then we`d go home at 8:30 .. and watch tv. and i would eat. ha. nice schedule huh? it seems kinda boring .. but it actually wasn`t! i had fun =D.

okay well that was the uh .. well that was my .. experience? well i don`t think i`m done with it all .. but now i`ll just go into the um .. general? stuff about the philippines.

transportation - ahahha. not many people have cars .. so you either ride the jeepney and/or tricycle. and if you need to go somewhere far .. you ride a bus. and if you have no money .. you can WALK! but yeah. jeeps and tricycles are fun. ha.

gaurds - shit. they`re EVERYWHERE. even in the seven elevens. it is soooo annoying. especially when you`re in the malls. they follow you and watch your every move. its dumb.oh yeah. and some people are REALLY paranoid at home too. like some of the rich people .. they have bars on almost every window. its like .. HARRY POTTER! haha. but yeah. people do all this stuff .. but shit still happens.

um. thats all the "general" stuff i can think of right now. HMM .. next is .. blah. whatever. ha i don`t know!

my childhood - okay. so i learned some more stuff about when i was little. my papa was working in saudi arabia. my mother was working in hong kong. and so i lived with both sets of aunt and uncles (on my mothers/dads side) .. and uh. yah. they lived on two different streets which were right next to eachother .. so i switched houses once in a while. umm .. my aunt and uncle on my papa`s side .. they lived on one street where most of my old friends were. my uncle on my mothers side .. he own[ed/s] a junk shop. and .. he`s rich. but anyways. all the workers called me EPLOK. i duno where that name came from. but yeahhh .. that was my nickname back then. and now. and um. i guess i was one of those little singing/dancing girls that everyone loved and adored. and then i moved and never came back until ten years later and everyone was awed (stef .. our word!) by how big i had gotten. ha. okay. um .. thats pretty much all i guess. i dont think it really made any sense. but whatever .. next.

nanay ko! - i saw my mother for the first time in .. 10 years. when i first met her .. i duno. i wasnt really .. feeling anything. i was just thinking .. "wow, i look like her". shes pretty nice. and i have a half brother and sister. my brother is like .. almost three. he`s chubby! and i dont think he likes me. cuz everytime someone says "go talk to your ate" he like .. runs behind that person. sad =(. ha .. um and then my little sister is only a baby. like 7 months. but she looks like me! er .. i looked like her when i was a baby. yeah. well i spent the night at her actualy my aunt`s house for one night .. cuz yeah. my mom lives in la union (said like .. la-win-ion. its a province.) and its pretty far. they took me shopping and bought me stuff. they even bought me a cell phone that i did not know about. i can`t use it here =\. eh. oh yeah! they have a maid. and he`s gay! but he`s really funny. like i woke up that morning when i spent the night there and he`s like "GOOD MORNING APRIL!" in that gay but funny voice. ha. oh and they have a driver for their cars. and he`s cool too! he`s not gay tho .. but he`s funny. ha.

sigh. thats all for now. i dont feel like typing anymore. later.

reading peoples journals just .. saddens me. so i guess i`ll just write in mine.

june 27th, 2003 | plane to the PI - uhh. not very eventful. the first flight took about 10 hours. and that was from seattle to the stop-over place .. which was tokyo. i didnt sleep at all. just listened to my music. watched the movies. and ate all my candy cuz plane food is yucky. then in tokyo. it was pretty nice. the airport is so .. high-tech. like they have this playstation playroom. and you can play for free! um. we were there for 2 hours. but it didnt seeem that long. just walked around the airport and looked in the gift shop places. then we got on the next plane which took us to our final destination: ninoy aquino national airport, located in manila, philippines. i slept the whole time on the flight. kinda uncomfortable. but .. yeah. then we got there at approximately 10:15 pm sunday THERE, and uh .. i think 7:15 am saturday HERE in seattle. ha. very .. detailed, noh?

the house, neighborhood, etc. - hah. i didnt sleep till almost 3 in the morning. cuz .. i couldnt. it was just hard to fall asleep. cuz .. i duno. but then when i woke up, my uncle walked me around the neighborhood and showed me all people that knew me and stuff. gahd. everyone has lived in that same neighborhood since forever! or .. at least since i was 4 cuz almost all the people knew me. i was like .. famous. cuz i`m a BALIKBAYAN. ahahahah. they said that to me. and its funny .. cuz i always thought it was just a BOX. [ahha .. remember stef?! on that bus ride to wild waves .. we were talking about like .. your pasalubongs you would get from the pi and you were like "i`ll put them in my balikbayan box" and carlo looked at you funny. haha. SIGH. memories] they`d be like "ohh wow is that EPLOK?!" ha. eh-plok. that was my nickname and the junkshop. umm. i`ll explain that later. hmm. ha .. the boys. they looked at me. like .. look. like .. "wow, maganda sha." HAHA. but i`m not. so uh. i dont know. heh. and then the girls .. some of them glared at me. its cuz they jealous! ha. ANYWAYS.

putang ena. i`m tired. and alone! no one`s online. i`m gonna go google on the schools here =\. they UGLY! and i have to take some test the day before school starts .. and THEN they`ll place me in a school. err i guess that what they said. dumb. i`ll finish this later.

ha .. i`m too lazy to type in here. HMM .. i have alot to type .. but i just dont want to type in it .. cuz itd take me forever to like .. type the whole thing. and yeahh. i`ll write it in my real journal first .. and then just copy that so .. yeah. i miss rj. i sang SHOWER ME WITH YOUR LOVE last night on the kareoke (sp?)machine and i dedicated it to rj. i didnt want to sing .. people FORCED me to sing. theyre like "your mom is a singer. your dad is a singer .. and so you must be too." HA .. noo! i suck. haha .. i got 93. ahahah .. and i wasnt even uh .. singing, singing. i was just .. being dumb. it was funny. and the people were like "you`re good like your parents!" LIARS. okayy well .. theres this one boy .. his name is jun-jun (said like JUNE-JUNE) and these grown-ups that knew me from when i was little .. they were like "he used to be your boyfriend. you two would hold hands and play house". aahhahahaha. i thought that was hilarious. april mae, jun-jun. HAHAHAHA. ooh, but you dont have to worry boyfriend. i already told you .. i`m not pimpin it. cuz i love you. oh yeah .. check your [e]mail rj. i`ll send you a real letter soon. ahh thats all for noww. LATER.

ahahahhaha. i found a computer place! i have to pay P25 per hour .. but its all gooood! ahhhh .. it feeels nice to type again. dahh. i dont feel like typing too much. cuz people are in the same room as me. and yeah. HMMM .. i havent drank juice AT ALL since i`ve been here. i NEED some juice. pimp juice. come on ronald, just let it loooose. haha .. JOKE, JOKE, JOKE! ehh .. i`m gonna go. type more later this week =D

happy birthday to carlo [7/5] and rj [7/6]!

i miss all you guys! ahh .. i`m black. reslyn, you out of the competition. bwahahahha. kay. time to comment on peoples journals ..

ahh. i got new shoes! they`re too .. skater. NOT MY STYLE. well actually, i`m too poor to have a style. but yeah. they`re DC`s. almost like .. AC! EHHH. i don`t like them anymore. but they were on sale for 40 bucks .. cuz they`re like .. old skool. like from last year. OH WELL. i want to exchange them for something else .. but i dont know what other shoe to get. sigh. and yeahh .. i leave TOMORROW. i`m gonna miss everyone. ahh .. but yeah. i`ll get you guys something! or .. just those who told me what they want. AWW .. i forgot to ask ryan what his address was. oh well .. i`ll just look in the white pages =D.

stef: dude! i was at brians today.. we tried caklling you.. buty it didnt get through.. if you wnna call him.. you'll prolly ahve to later cuz they're walking colin to the bus stop
me: what number did you call?!
stef: 1 206 --- ----
stef: ahahhah
me: WHOA
me: AHH howd you know?!
stef: i REMEMBER it!
stef: hahaha
stef: cuz i saw it on brians caller ID
me: hahahaha
stef: we caled a billion times
stef: but it wouldnt get thru
me: seriously?!
me: whoa.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. ahahha. that`s pretty funny. i`m stupid. i didnt want anyone knowing this phone number. and i thought i could keep it like .. secret. but of course there`s a way for them to figure out. oh yeah. i think our phone was messed up today. that`s why you couldnt get through. and i wasn`t home anyways. i was at the supermall .. and walmart! but like .. my papa dropped me off at my aunt`s work. cuz my papa had to work. and my aunt was the one that was gonna take me to the mall .. and so yeah. i didn`t feel like staying inside .. so i just stayed in her car .. in the sun. i`m gold now! well .. sorta red / brown. ahaha i duno. its a NICE color .. not to sound conceited =P. aha. yeah but dude, it was HELLA hot. "hot as hell." ahh! i remember me and asia used to say that, only we said it about this one guy. HAHA! i was a stupid floater. uhh yeah. i got HELLA candy at walmart. swedish fish .. those livesaver fusion things .. then some gummmi bears .. and uhh .. sour patch kids! woo. they for me trip =). and no way in HECK am i gonna share with my cousins. muahahaha. just kidding. i bought some of that phisoderm stuff. for my bacne. hahahaha .. stefanie knows what i`m talking about. hmm .. OHH! i ate balut today! ahhaha. i was sitting at the table with my cousin. and we were like playing with the chick inside and making it walk on the table. ahhaha then i was like taking it apart and stuff. and i was like "hmm .. is this the heart er something??" and then i sorta opened it up some more and a fackking HEAD popped out. omigoshh it scared me SOOOO much! i screamed and was hella cracking up. umm. OH my mama called .. cuz i called her and left a message since no one answered her cell phone. she seemed happy. they`re in las vegas right now. i guess they`re taking their time driving to pheonix, cuz yeah. it`s been a WEEK, and they still aren`t there. HA! but yeah. i didnt tell her what my papa said =( .. about me moving, yanno? sigh. i don`t wanna ruin her vacation so yeah, i didn`t say anything. hmm. i was looking through this old box of stuff of mine earlier this morning. i had mostly barbies in it =D. but i found an i-zone camera. ahhaa. it`s old. and it was mine. but yeah .. it looks like new! well i guess that`s all. i should call kuya. alright .. until my next update .. which wont be for a hella long time. dahh .. misha got me saying that now. BYE, BYE, BYE. i`ll miss you, guys!

leave a comment, foo =p!
just kidding, but yeah. show me some love and leave a comment =D. ahh i`ll read it .. eventually. i`m just .. bored. ahha thanks for the comments, mariela and misha. and stefanie! thanks for the THREE comments! ahh you`ll be the only loner in the united states! and i`ll be the only loner in the philippines! kool, kool eh? haha later. oh yeah. check this. monica made it for me! but this is a dumb computer .. and i can`t make the file size smaller .. so yeah. i cant upload it to anything except geocities. kay .. yeah. mahal .. [added 11:00pm]

- april mae, i`m gonna get pudgy while i`m in the philippines corona

[edit] 3:44pm - hmm .. i called brian .. and someone answered and i was like "uh .. hi. is brian there?" and then the person was like "brian said to call him tomorrow." and i was like .. "okay." then the person .. "okay?" and then me .. "uh. okay bye." and i was sooo confused cuz i had no idea who it was! it sounded like rj sorta. maybe it was? or .. carlo? haaa .. i duno! it was weird. okay i`m gonna go sit outside and soak up some sun =D. until next time .. [/edit]

ahaha. pablo sent me an email! haha .. i think it`s funny.

From : david
Subject : see ya
Date : Wed, 25 Jun 2003

is to bad that ur moving ,i moving to the 1th i'm trying convense my mon so that i take the ferry to bremerton and ride a bus to ridetop i don't know ok adios abrill - petey pablo

mmmkay. uh .. 2 more days till the pi! mann. i feel bad cuz i haven`t called my mother yet! and well .. i tried, but no one answered. and i don`t want to try callnig again .. cuz i duno. she might get mad? ehhh. anyways. i really need to call brian now. not just cuz i wanna yell at him .. but i need to ask him something! dahh. i`m scared to call. so i guess i`ll just wait for rj. hmm. i need new shoes. those old converses are hella old. like, roflmaoatwtckhi old. haha. it`s okay. i think i`m gonna go to the mall again later tonight.

misha: man two months. my mom says your gonna be black.

ahahhahaah. that is just TOOO funny. hmmm .. pilot copies, right misha? ha .. and then jerricho rosales stuff for reslyn .. and some beach sand, a rock, and a leaf for stefanie. HMM .. i neeeed to know what mariela wants! and uh .. ryan too. and some other people. dahh. i don`t know what i`m gonna do today. i`m bored out of my mind. well i guess i`ll go. gbye.

[edit] 7:32pm - oohh yes. i knew i was forgetting something. i tryed calling my mama on her cell, but she wasnt answering! i`d call my sisters house, but i don`t know her number =(. oh and i watched legally blonde earlier. i wanna be a lawyer now! hahaha. i was talking to stef earlier .. about some problems she has. and i was just thinking .. like, man. kuya brian isn`t really a good kuya. well, he is. but sometimes .. i can`t trust him cuz he tells rj EVERYTHING. and we had this pact, but i guess he broke it! so now who am i supposed to go to next year 9 if there is a next year for me ..) when i neeed to spill my guts!? ha. i`m gonna call him and make him be sorry he ever opened his mouth! or maybe not. eh kay. that`s all .. later! [/edit]

ahh. i weighed myself today .. and now i`m 105! that means i gained TEN pounds in ONE week. but i guess it`s okay .. i`ll burn it off later this summer. ahaha. chyah right. maybe that scale thingy is wrong. hmm anyways. i put that factoid list in my userinfo for this deadjournal thing. HMM. ryan wants me to make a blog .. but i`m too lazy for html now. and besides, i won`t be able to update it cuz i`ll be gone for TWO months. kinda sucks, but .. i guess it kinda doesn`t. cuz i know i`ll have fun there. i think? if i don`t, at least i`ll get darker! arm, woot! haha. i`m gonna leave on friday. dahh. ima miss the united states =(. thousands of miles away from home for two fackking months! dangg. and they don`t have a computer at the house! but i`ll just ask my cousin if i can go to her work and use it for a little. hmm .. i wonder.

SEATTLE - 6:30 pm, monday
MANILA - 9:30 am, tuesday

holy fuckk. that would mean .. i`d have to call ronald at .. dahh. i dont know! someone do the math for me! i`m becoming slow like brian. ahaha, right ryan? hey, hey. someone (preferably RYAN or someone nerdy) go here and figure out what time it would be in the philippines when it`s like .. midnight here. i`m confused. ehh. i`m bored. yesterday, i bought the bring it on dvd. i`ve seen it like a million times already, but i LOVE that movie. i was gonna buy the harry potter book instead .. but i was like "naww .. i should read the last two books first." haha. okay .. well i don`t think there`s anything else to sayy. i did nothing today. ahahahha that picture sophia showed me of sean was HILARIOUS. ahah .. i wanna see his seventh grade pic! eh kay. later days!

ooh shit. me and my cousin just came back from the park. dahh. it was scary! we got there .. and me and my cousin were playing at the skatepark and just running up and sliding down the things. and there were these two white boys. and they were sitting on the playground stuff right next to the skate thing.
and then one was like "hey .. good morning." i was like .. what in the world? but i didnt want to be uh .. rude so i just smiled and waved and carried on about my business. but then one of the guys kept staring at me. and the other one was like "come here .. my friend wants to talk to you." and i was like .. "why?". and the guy was like "just because." and i just ignored them. ahh then my cousin had to go to the bathroom and so she just started looking for it and she just left me there .. ALONE! then guys just started walking over and started talking to me like they knew me. it was kinda like ..

guy1: soo .. what grade you in?
me: uhh. i`m gonna be 9th.
guy1: interesting. what school you go to?
me: no where around here.
guy1: *just keeps talking .. like he knows me*
me: *responds with .. "yeah", "uh huhh", "okayyyy"*
guy1: do you like white guys?
me: yeah they`re pretty cool. but i prefer asians. [that`s not true, by the way]
guy1: ooh. thats too bad.
me: yeahhhhh. hold on. *busts out cousins cell phone and starts dialing rj`s number*.
guy2: who you callin?
me: my boyfriend
guy2: *starts cracking up and hits his friend in the head* oh alright .. *walks away and other guy follows*

yess. rj was busy .. but thats okay cuz my cousin came back. we played a little tennis. the one guy started talking to me again. dahh. stupid boy. but praise the lord, my pops came to pick us up! yupp. scary experience. uhh hmm. what did i do the rest of the day ? i watched finding nemo! ahahhaha. that is the cutest movie ever! my favorite scene was the CRABS, of course! haha well not really. but crabs are cool. *whispers* "he touched the butt". aahahhahaha. woo. that movie was hilarious. ehh. i`m gonna go call my asian boyfriend soon. i`ll finish that factoid list later. goodbye.

it`s the first day of summer vacation, and i`m bored as heck. oh well. i miss you guys =(. hmm .. uh. i talked to my papa some more about the moving thing. he isnt gonna change his mind. but i`m gonna talk to my mama and daddy. bwahahahaha. i just won`t bug them about it right now, cuz they`re on vacation in arizona, and i don`t want to ruin it for them with a phone call that will begin with, "COME SAVE ME FROM THIS EVIL MAN!!" well yeahh. i don`t think i can make them change the ticket anymore. so yeah .. i`m gonna come back from the pi the 29th of august. i won`t be able to go to raider rush. but it`s all good. cuz i don`t NEED to go to raider rush (if i`m going to that school next year, that is ) .. so yeah. but i REALLY want to go to get my light or dark blue locker away from those *squints eyes and raises fist in air* people. ha just kidding! yeahhh .. and i also want to seee people. mann. oh well. if i don`t go to ridgetop next year, i`ll just visit like the first day and sneak into classes with you guys er something. cuz i think the schools over here start later, like a day or two. i duno, but yeah. HMMM. i guess if i don`t move this year, then i`m definitely moving in high school. it`s okay tho. i don`t mind moving THEN because .. new school .. new people, yano? and besides. i`m OVER that shamoo character =p. well, not COMPLETELY over. we can still roflmaoatwtckhi! here is something from the ssc journal.

yoohoo2you2 Magic Number 11 Job Serial Killer Personality Procrastinator (If The Apathy Doesn't Kill Me) Temperament Sweet Natured Sexual If I Have To Likely To Win A Swimming Badge Me - In A Word Startling Colour Brought to you by MemeJack

personality .. TRU DAT. ahah. woo. i`m glad school is over. no more stuff to procrastinate about! yeh. now i kinda wanna go to the philippins. my dad is gonna give me 200 bucks to spend. you know how much stuff i could buy with that?! don`t worry. i`ll buy you guys a little something. "you guys" as in .. yeah you know who you are. i was talking to rj last night. he said he passed by my house. and i didnt believe him .. but then he started to describe it, and i was like .. DANGG. stalker! ha. okay i`m gonna go. later days .. er i`ll prolly type in here tomorrow since i most likely wont have anything better to do. ha .. LATA.

yeah yeah. school was alright .. i gave rj a peck on the cheek. it was weakkk. ha .. oh well. we got out early. but i did NOTHING afterwards. no waterfront, no mall, no roflmaoatwtckhi .. NO NOTHING. my grandparents just picked me up. and i went to their house. and yeahh. uh i`ll type the nice stuff later. but let me release all my anger.

okay yeah. when my papa picked me up .. i cryed myself a fucking river. um. you kinda have to know about my family background a little to understand, but he was like "you are`nt going back there." and shitt when he said that i started bawling in his car all the way until we got to his house. i felt awful, just awful .. and i had a MAJOR headache. and then he started saying some more stuff when we got to the house. he wasnt yelling at me because he was mad at ME, he`s like mad at my mother, which really happens to be my aunt, and his sister. uh. did you get that? well yeah. but still .. i love my mama =( and i felt bad cuz he was saying mean stuff about her! and yeah.

me: im gonna be in the pi for TWO funking months.
stef: mann
me: but i`m gonna beg them to change it!
me: i asked my papa to change the ticket .. but he`s like "you cant get everthing you want"
me: and i wanted to say "well what about those times you SPOILED me rotten and bought me everythign i wanted?!"
me: dahh. stupid.

yes. sucks like a whore. holy shittt. i kept crying and crying. and i couldnt breath cuz .. i was crying. ha. i felt TERRIBLE. and i wanted to like .. yeah. hurt myself. but i`m too fucking scared to do that. so yeah. don`t worry about me. i wanna talk to my mama!! i will tomorrow when no one is home. dahh. stupid father! now he`s all being nice and acting like everything is okay. FUCKER! noo wayyy. not in a million years will it be okay until he tells me that i DON`T have to move in with him next year! transferring is better than moving with this mother fucker. HA. i don`t mean all the stuff i`m saying, just to let you know. but yeah. uh. i`ll fill you in with more stuff later. so my answer to "are you moving?!" is .. i`m not sure. yeah yeah, i know its not good enough. but really, i`m not sure at the moment. hmm i gotta go be in my pyschiatrist mode. april is in BUSINESSSSSS. ahhhaha. wow, colin sounds nice. but there`s something ryan is not telling me! and i`d like to know, because i feel left out cuz i am like the ONLY one that did not go to the damn waterfront! ergh. kay .. bye.

ahh. i`m sooo bored. why can`t i live by the schoool?! dahh. oh well. my weekends are sooo boring. i wish i had like .. really close friends that would do stuff and go places with me. like the weekenders! hahaha. mann i wish i could be like those guys! hmm. all i did today was take my doggies to get a haircut. then i did some cleaning, packed for the PI, and watched i love the 80s on vh1. that`s such a kool show! umm .. yes. then i went to safeway with my mama .. and i saw some people from school. no one special. i also saw a former-freshman in her car. but she wasn`t special either. ehh. i`m craving some CAKE. ahhh and i want some ice cream too! fathers day is tomorrow. sheeet .. i`m stupit. i still need to get something for my dad. ehh. i`ll just make a card since i`m broke like yo mama. BAHHH. i`m bored. there`s this kid across the street. and i think he`s like .. 9 or 10. he`s trying to be SKATER. ahahha. it`s funny .. cuz he sucks. his family is moving and so they`re selling their house. i hope some nice people move in. maybe they will have a child that is my age and he or she can be my bff .. even tho brian is my bff. but i mean like .. we could be REAL bff`s .. the ones that do everything together. ahha .. right misha? ha i almost forgot you`re my neighbor. i WOULD ask you to go outside or go somewhere .. but i know you`re lazy. so i dont. ahha. just kidding! akk. i`m bored! dennng. lil bow wow sounds soooo different now! dah. i`m gonna go now. later days!

[edit >> 4:37 pm] - how could i forget?! in drama, we were watching the beauty and the beast .. and then me, monica, and kristine started talking about disney princesses, and so we created this "fairy tale krew". ahaha. it`s pretty dumb .. but we think its kooool, right?! umm .. monica is cinderella, kristine is jasmine, and i`m snow white! cuz she`s a pimp like me, yannaw? her and her seven dwarves =D. ahaha. monica and kristine don`t have prince charmings .. but i do! yup .. rj. haha. hmm .. i`ll see if i can go to the yearbook thing. but i`ll ask later. thanks for the comment stef! and thanks to all you other 3 people that commented on the last one. i feel VERY special now =). [/edit]

three .. THREE. mann that isn`t alot! ddahhh. i wanted it to end already this WHOLE week, but now since i got all my work turned in, i don`t want it to! sighh. well .. i re-took my test today in math. i think i did pretty good. well .. i don`t want to get my hopes up, so i`ll just say i did okay. well yeah it took me the whole first period to do it .. and i didnt finish in first period, so i stayed for homeroom. ryan was making fun of me and i`m like .. "it`s not my fault i`m slow now. brian has an influence on me!" uh i finished like 15 minutes into homeroom, so i was leaving to go to hammonds class .. and i saw stef and she was going to her locker. so we just went to class together. and it was empty because there was this jazz thing in the gym .. but we didnt want to go. so we went in the classroom and while stefanie was making her "award" thing, i sat at mrs hammonds computer and i read her email =x. shh! don`t tell. but i only read the one that was already opened up. and then there was this one .. and its subject was like "staff eyes only!" .. but i didn`t read it. haha but i read the one that was like "presenters needed for awards assembly". i know who got the robert gordon award or whatever its called. but i forget the rest. they didn`t have all of them. so yeah. homeroom was fun =). umm. we watched the outsiders in block! ahh that movie is soooo coooool! sodapop and dallas are sooooo hot! and johnny is cute! ahaha. but they`re old now. hmm. i was nominated student of the month. that`s good enough. at least i got a certificate thing. oh and i`m gonna get a 100% club certificate too! woo. i have stuff to put in my folio that i have not created yet! ha. i have to do my essay thing for exploratory still. eating disorders. fasinating subject. man i`m bored. hmmm .. i wanna go to the yearbook signing thing. i duno if i will tho. my hair is turning red .. ish brown .. naturally =). but it only looks reddish brown if the sun is shining on it or something. are you gonna dye your hair black-blue this summer, misha? cuz you should. pictures are gonna be in COLOR. ahha. eww. i think tiffany put this picture of me and lynette in the yearbook on a page that she made. ehhh.

gf: i`m gonna go now.

gf: talk to you tomorrow mister wonderful.

bf: okay miss beautiful

hahahhaha. nice, eh? well to me it is =D. i love you, ronald! alright. i`m out.

uhh. i don`t know what to type. yes, my parents suck. ughh i wish i was a boy sometimes! cuz their parents let them do more stuff. bahh. and that`s not the ONLY problem with the parents. they might make me go to NORTH KITSAP. do you know what kind of people go there?! RACIST people. dahh. and the reason they`re making me going is really dumb. and they keep saying this stupid stuff about who i`m friends with and what kind of people they are and some ish like that. but they`re wayy off! sheeeeeet. they don`t even know. and i know they don`t know because i never tell them! derrr. i just wanna scream at them and throw something. but no, i`m a good girl, i am. lets see .. school. it was boring. i talked to the boyfriend ALOT more than usual today. ahaha. it was nice. umm. we presented our projects in block. i wasn`t even done with mine. but yeah. mrs hammond was like "you still have to do it cuz all we`re gonna do tomorrow is watch the outsiders." and so i did. i hope i got a decent grade. oh well. it won`t do anything to my current grade. because i have like a 96% in history. so yeah .. that`s good enough for me. oh yeah. I`M GONNA FAIL MATH! ergh. i suck. i had an A- last quarter, but then i got an F on my last test, so yes, i`m screwed. some kid told me my grade will be like a c- now. i`m gonna retake the test tomorrow, but i don`t think that will do any good, because i did not understand that last chapter AT ALL .. and i tried to study it earlier, but i was STILL lost. dahh. i need ryan! he`s gonna retake it too. he got a c, but still .. that`s wayyy better than me! and at least he somewhat understands it! hmm .. here`s part of a kinda old, sorta recent convo ..

BF: i hope we will be together for a long time.
GF: i promise we will .. if i dont move
GF: if i do move, i`ll have rj withdrawals
GF: because remember? i`m a dick. im addicted to you.

ahhaaha .. withdrawals. i`m the one that said that, but i thought it was funny. because i`m a stupid little asian girl who laughs at her own jokes. hmm. i`m not taking japanese. or ANY language next year. SUCKS because i`ll be behind everyone in high school. and its all because my mother didn`t sign that pink paper! bah. oh well. it`s all good in the neighborhood. i don`t think i want to do pre-ap. because .. i don`t feel like being challenged. i KNOW i could pass that class, but i`m a slacker. so .. i don`t know. ehh. i don`t even know if i`ll go to ridgetop next year. but i still think i`ll be there for maybe the first semester, and then my parents will make me transfer .. maybe. but yeah. i don`t know .. because i`m not psychic and it`s the future i cannot see. it`s so mysterious to me =p. ahh .. well i better go try and figure out this stupid math stuff. bye.

6 more days. well i really have nothing to type. school had been boring lately. mann i can`t wait until summer! but then sometimes .. i can. because this summer will dumb .. like always. people yelling over the TELE-PONO. and yeahh .. some other stuff like that. yes, and i`ll also miss some *certain* people. mmhmm. ahhh .. i`m listening to my old N*SYNC cd! woo. ahhaha well, i don`t want to waste my money .. so i think i`m gonna start listening to my old cds now. like britney spears .. and X-TINA. that "sewer rat". ahha .. thats what monica calls her, i guess. but yeah. i LOVED this cd. i`d play it over and over and over again. and i memorized EVERY song, word for word. hmm. i like it better than the celebrity album. i duno .. but this one`s like more .. "up-beat" or .. whatever? ahhh yeah. hmm i was walking home and keoni was saying that he read this journal, and then he was like "rj is a good boyfried for you". ahaha. i just said "yeahhhhhh. i know =D." but yes, he IS a good boyfriend for me. a good boyfriend that i`m not ALLOWED to have. oh well. let`s see. what happened at school? uhh .. not alot. well, it might sound crazy, but it aint no lie .. [ i`m gonna go so .. ] bye bye bye. HAHA. laterr!

the sun is gone!! oh well. things are getting better. but i just gotta take care of more thing .. and EVERYTHING will be perfect, just perfect ..

hmm. here`s a convo. ahha. you don`t mind if i paste it in here, right BF?? haha. um. i deleted some stuff and put sentences together to make it shorter.

bf: what are you thinking bout right now?
gf: this guy.
bf: who might this guy be?
gf: my boyfriend .. his name is ronald.
gf: what are you thinking about
bf: my sweetheart.
gf: and who might that be?
bf: my one and only girlfriend. her name is april.
gf: you love her ?
bf: of course.
bf: i love her more than infinity .. she COMPLETES me.
bf: do you love him?
gf: of course.
gf: i love him more than infinity times infinity. he is my special thing that makes me fly without wings.
bf: so whats he like?
gf: hmm. he`s nice. and sweet. and alot of other stuff. but to make this short, i`ll just say he`s perfect.
gf: whats she like?
bf: hmm. she's nice. and pretty. and has one of the greatest personality's and alot of other stuff. but to make this short, ill jus say shes perfect. and if i rated her on looks and personality...it would be infinity.
gf: wow. she must be very lucky to have a guy like you.
bf: wow. he must be very lucky to have a girl like you.
gf: you know what? i think i love you.
bf: well guess what? i think i love you too.

i`ve found that special thing. i`m flying without wings.
this is carlo`s song. haha. i`m bored. problems have not really uh .. progressed into something positive, but hey .. i`ll deal with it later when school is over, so i won`t be all depressed on the last eight days. sigh. i remember the last few weeks of seventh grade .. which would be last year. gahh. i was like "okay, i`m gonna talk to him". and i never did .. except on the last day when i asked for his autograph him to sign my yearbook. i regreted it soooo much! haha. but this year is going to be different. i`ll do everything that is on my list of priorities. the first thing on it is to make one, which i have not done. ahha. oh well. ehmm. oh yes, the field trip. ahhh i don`t feel like typing it all up right now. maybe .. tomorrow. but yeah .. i`ve been on the computer for a long time. and i`m scared i might have carpel tunnel. AHH. i hope i don`t have it! cuz my hand has been getting kinda numb .. and those are one of the symptoms! bahh. anyways. it was a nice day today. i played outside. but i don`t think i got any darker. oh well. i can this summer. but darn, summer will be a bummer .. for me. but i know i will get dark either way. i need to buy a yearbook. it might be my last year =(. i REALLY hope it won`t be tho. sighh. we`ll see. alright .. i`m gonna go. it`s GETTING HOT IN HERRE. haha .. bye!